The Relevant Me: On Finding Joy Through Self-Redefinition
Life is like a roller coaster ride; we race up and down the road of life - both the highways and the gravel roads - and experience all the surprises and excitement through each twist, bump, and hairpin turn (and the coveted periods of straightaways).
Life is like the feeling you get after an overnight air flight; we board an airplane and settle in for a long ride. On arrival we experience awe when we find ourselves in a new and unfamiliar place.
Life is like the children’s game Chutes & Ladders (Snakes & Ladders for friends outside the US) where the excitement is always due to the unexpected climbs and slides each player inevitably experiences.
I could go on sharing similes that exemplify the ups and downs that life presents each person as well as the calm periods of straightaways that we look forward to.
But, you get the idea.
When life feels like it is rising, it is exciting and seemingly full of promise and anticipation.
When life feels like it is falling, the downdraft can be scary and overwhelming.
And when life is seemingly on a straightaway for periods of time, there may be a feeling of safety and security.
I used to yearn for the straightaways of life. Those periods of time when I went through a ‘rinse and repeat’ each day and was able to navigate away from the gravel roads and the hairpin turns
How do you navigate these experiences and retain your sense of self?
Work can be all-consuming as it once was for me. There was a long period of time where my identity and sense of self were informed by work, by focusing on raising my sons, and later on, by caring for my parents. It was actually a time of great personal intensity for me and at the time, I felt that remaining focused and driven was my goal. Sticking to those straightaways and avoiding the gravel roads and the hairpin turns.
During that time I had moments where I felt like I had lost my sense of self.
Who was I during that period?
I was a hard-working professional woman singly raising two children. There was simply not much time for personal self-reflection or personal development beyond work and family time.
However, from time to time I would take moments to check in with myself and consider “was I still relevant?”
Work, motherhood, and caring for aging parents can be all-consuming and I was deep in the grip of these three activities simultaneously and successively. I would ask myself whether I was relevant as well as “who is the relevant me?”
Years came, years went. My sons became young men who I love, admire, and am completely proud of for many reasons. My parents each traveled their lifecycle of health matters. My professional work was completely significant and I loved what I did.
Yet, I felt that life was passing me by. And in 2019, I asked myself the same questions.
“Am I still relevant?”
“Who is the relevant me?”
Redefining my sense of myself and my hopes, dreams, and goals was a substantial activity and this time I took on the challenge.
Perhaps the most important facet of my life that needed consideration was where I was finding joy in my existence. Joy makes its presence known often when we least expect it. And joy is that aspect of our life that inspires awe and gratitude for all that we have accomplished or earned. Yet many people report they do not experience joy with any frequency.
We talk a lot about finding oneself. But what does that mean? To me it means taking the time to discover and redefine the portions of your life that bring you ultimate contentment, a sense of satisfaction, and a sense that all the hard work and even the hard times were worth it.
Joy + self-discovery invite people to redefine themselves.
Finding your joy through self-discovery is a process. It’s a game of Chutes & Ladders. Yet it leads to tremendous self-satisfaction.
It is hard work and for me, it was hard to do alone. I was supported by my coach.
Today, together with each of my clients, we contemplate where joy is present. We consider the lengthy passages where work and obligations to family, career, and more might have impacted our focus on our personal growth. From there we work to define the ways in which we elicit joy and how we can take control of our psyche and souls and work to find much-deserved fulfillment.
The approach is different for every single person. The work is very satisfying. I invite you to consider how joy and redefining yourself could be meaningful to you.
Consider the following to stimulate your personal insights:
Ask yourself “who am I?” and then consider your response. Are you satisfied with your reply?
What role, if any, does joy play in your life?
Do you feel in control of your life or are there external factors that might be directing your days?
How well do you feel you know yourself? Are there areas of your being that you wish you understood better?
What are some ways you can ensure you feel relevant?